I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
