After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
