so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
