Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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