So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
