I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
