i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
