hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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