pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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