I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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