I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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