he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
