I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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