I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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