The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
