I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
