she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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