She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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