mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
