On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
