I understand Curling. That high.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
