Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
