i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
