Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im holly from the hills drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
