I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
