I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
