So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
