I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
