I wish I could punch you in the face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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