Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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