u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
