you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
