Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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