Got a toothbrush?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He has the fingertips of a God
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
