porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
