So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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