No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
