I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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