lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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