I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
