Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
