i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
