remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think people are normalizing furries
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
