gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
