I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
