At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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