I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
