so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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