Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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