If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
