11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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