How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
