Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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