The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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